i will not broken

I feel the earth shifting beneath me,
but the survivalist in me refuses to let myself fall, refuses to be weak, refuses to give in.
i wont cry, i wont cry. I wish i wont cry again.

Please let me stop cried a lot. I want to live happier. Please. I wish to. I will figure it out. I am on an island I realize. Because it is really hard to lean on these bad things, lives and stresses and challenges. It is difficult to ask me to put all that aside just because I am having a bad day. Hubby’s needs are so high right now, I can’t ask him to deal with my whining. He left me. They left me. Everyone left me. While, i needs me to be strong and stable.

And so it feels weird because I think the healthy thing is to lean on others, but right now, it seems that the best response is to learn to be my own self. And fer smone like myself who used to require so much affirmation from others and was a 100% extrovert, it is good lesson fer me. To learn to lean on me, to learn that i can talk myself down, i can pick myself up, i can find hope. And i like that because then i never really feel alone.

Okay, I feel better.

Off too make my grocery list.

p/s: lesson of the day, jangan percaya sesiapa. Bila kita di dalam kesusahan. Semua entah ke mana. To be honest, i love to helped people. I love to make people happy. But then, all of them become my backstabber.

*sigh