Friday, September 24

Where I'm at.....

Its Friday,

End of this week. This week was the golden period of my life. I will never forget the time, support, thought, motivation, and love all have given me profusely without any selfish attitude. I realize, i know, how much friends love me. I don't know how but at least i have created a big space in my friends heart. A time when i used to be very emotional and i used to think that there is no one in this world who cares about me. A time where i used to cry for the whole day night in trauma. But at this moment of life when I see so many people getting involved with me, my failure, my life, my nonsense- the only thing i want to say that I AM DREAMING. I just get lost at a moment where i feel i am out of the world and when i see my life as a flashback. It was a very very hard for me to believe that so many things happened with my life which make others getting involved in. I love everyone who always help and support me. You're made my day whatever i am today. Thank you so very much people and friends.

dyradrea ♥

Thursday, September 23

I just want time for ME.

i am now working through change and fear

There is where i pray on my weak spots. Ok fine. Saya dah lemah. I immadiately flash back to moments in my past. Where mama and ayah raise me. Ibu (my aunty) who really care on me. Oh, i really need them. I find out that at 24 i can't still stand on my own feet. I was always the girl who fear to face tomorrow, the girl who always afraid to take risks and do things against the grain. I can spend my time worrying about pretend scenarios in my head. Ya Allah, what is wrong with me? :'(

It is just a down few days for me..they seem to come now and then. And in some ways it os good because it gives me a chance to bolster myself, to reaffirm my decisions, to dig and find that "just do it" attitude that i know is there. Everything will truly be fine and i am so lucky to even have a choice in this matter.
Sometimes it is just hard to leave the nest...


Wednesday, September 22

Life can be so badshit insane sometimes.

This morning, i was full of emotion, so jaded. So completely jaded. And so i clean and do my best to pitch things and trying to get rid of what happen. What i see is depressing and sad and makes me wonder why the hell there is just no happy ending. No living will. I want out at the near top of my game. And if something happens to me, i just need someone be around to back me up with a sincere heart.

What i did take away from this day is that i am going to start living more, in the present and to the fullest. Hell, no matter how well i go through, or how good myself are-there are no promises. None.

"Ini rumah saya. Malam tadi saya pergi jalan-jalan nak pergi tgk bulan. Bulan cantik sgt. Dia senyum kat saya. Saya nak pergi jauh-jauh. Nak duduk dekat bulan. Tolong jaga rumah saya tau. Jumpa lagi :)"


I am now seeking levity and bliss

I won't give up eventhough i sometimes feel like it.
I am just trying to find myself.

Today was just not a good one, as per everyday. I can't get tired. I am just getting caught up with things and don't want to get "underwater" again. I am still having to find my rhythm around here as well. Otherwise, i am always cleaning or trying to get something done. Trying to find more space. More Space for me to just be as well. OK, that is about all my brain can come up with.

Monday, September 20

A friend is someone who is there for you when he/she'd rather be anywhere else

-by Len Wein

What about "boy" friend?
*Oh idk. Help me though.*

Saturday, September 4

I want to be happy, be.

To be happy,
we must not be too concerned with others.
-Albert Camus, The Fall, 1956

if u observe a really happy man, u will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have bcome aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day.

much love,

Wednesday, September 1

anda ada berapa ramai boyfren kesemuanya?

jap ye, kene guna calculator.

Ask me anything