now,now,now,and now, i was actually: Just trying fr being okay in my 'own' world
This is me lately, inconsistent, selalu murung, suka nak sedih-sedih, tiba2 asyik nak touching, and everyday i'm just wondering, WHY is it so?Maybe because of the caffeine, but i just couldnt sit still. Like smthg huge problem lately. But, rasa mcm takde problem pun. Continue operate on a currency of emotion and often these days i think it sucks. Nothing is stable in my world and everything is fleeting. Up, down and all around.
shittt!! i am so flooded with emotions these days that are intense, but meaningless. there is no reason fr them, but they come. I am learning to just ignore them. I listen to whatever music that will let that emotion play out in my head:
-ANGER -REBELLION -LOST -SAD -WEARY -DEPRESSED
I am keep on trying to not attach my emotions to anything or anyone in particular. Nevertheless, processing through..wears me out. Ohh idk, i feel lonely here, connections never permanent, but fr the moment. I feel misunderstood or perhaps no one knows me.
It is like i suck out the energy. And if i breathe, dont put to much stock it in it will gone. it will pass.
Bila ckp in melayu, terasa mcm kasar. And terasa mcm i terkasar. i takkan sakit kan hati org, if org tu tak start dulu, i takkan make conversation, if org tu start dulu. i takkan cari gaduh if org tu tak start dulu. i tak pernah nk buat jht kat org, if org tu tak start dulu. tapi skrg tiba2 rasa nk jadi jahat. Kenapa ye? Tak baik kan? tapi, if org tu yg start nk buat tak baik mcm mana pula? Patut ke i jaga hati org, tapi org tak jaga hati i? Bila lah i nk jadi dewasa ni. Berdiri atas kaki sendiri. Tak menyusah kan org. Tak penah mintak tolong kat org. Not too depending on others. Kalau mampu, semua i nak buat sendiri. Kalau boleh, i nak survive sendiri. So sorry if selama ni i menyusahkan sesiapa. And i promise i akan pergi. Berdiri atas kaki sendiri, even rasa tak mampu pun nak buat mcm tu sebenar nya. Tapi, i will try. I mengaku i mengada-ngada. And the day onwards, i will dissappear. Thank You so so so very much u :)
This was my second last youngest sister. SITI SUFIAH NUR aka S U F I 12 y.o (Form 1)
Now its Sufi's turn to be sent to a boarding school. MRSM Pasir Salak, Perak. i couldnt agree at first sufi to enrole in a far off state boarding school. Jauh tu fr her age! and i could nt believe that mama had agreed to send her as well. Ish! Shian nya, bcause of she is too young fr me. sigh. But ayah said, let her make her own choice and that we ought to give her a chance to feel what the rest of us felt.
I was dragged by my worries of her welbeing and but fr the sake of being equal, and that Sufi deserves a chance. Good Luck Babe! Kakak will always pray and ♥ u as well
SUFI, u made us all proud thus far already sufi. Hope u withstand the life of a hostel girl, and that u make us proud again fr ur success!
i will miss u potpetpotpet wherever i was. Cik Peah, take care ok. i ♥ u
p/s: kakak dia plak yg over sedey, adik rileks je. Sape tak syg adik weyyy..Teheee
I have a best friend who runs errand me while i rush off for something. EZLYN AZNIZA thank you fer coming and,
I feel that i'm really really blessed with this awesome girl that keep remembering me. Hope u enjoyed spent many beautiful hours out in wide open spaces, soaking up the sun, admiring the trees, watching the clouds, and breathing with me these whole day. Hehe Much needed, much enjoyed!
I've only been able to update like prolly once a week. Been kind of busy lately. Okay, i always have excuses en. Ahah. Anyway, my unimates and i have been eating quite a lot by having BBQ at wawa's house. (Melawati). I must say, this wawa's made, burger, BBQ, marsh potato,so on tasted soooo good. Wahh! It sounded so delicious and i couldnt say no. Memang superb lah babe. Even my bf yg busy tu still dpt attend, and i, suprisingly came and joined u all ok. Oh well, best part for him, Tq sayang, fer having time with us. Chill lah kamu syg :P Presenting u, all my besties aka my unimates:
pinky ladies, was the tuan tanah, WAWA
im, acap and mia, abg, me and my amirul
hey hey hey, hope i made u hungry
heh whats wrong with Acap? Err.."memang tak arrr.."
abg dan makanan. "ibarat aur dan tebing" haha. Betul kan this peribahasa?
And Farafarafar away. Erk, wheres her itik? uhuh :P (itik si tukang buat sos, ala Thai) bravo lah bro!
Kay, signing off. Till the next one. Have a good day! Yay, monday is gone, Hello tuesday :)
Hey there! Xinnian Kuaile. Life happens and it sometimes keeps me away from blogging. During this midterm break, i'm going to cut back on studying, and assessment time in order to spend a lot of time with familia and do other things i've missed lotss!
Now that i'm home, it's beginning to feel like the holidays are actually here!